May never make it famous…

So, something James White said that I heard tonight really resonated with me. He talked about his name. Given by his father.

And I had the stirrings of memory of a song that finally clicked once I was back here. Dierks Bentley’s song “My Last Name.”

So, for context, here are the lyrics I just Googled:

I learned how to write it
When I first started school
Some bully didn’t like it,
He said it didn’t sound too cool
So I had to hit him
And all I said when the blood came
It’s my last name

Grandpa took it off to Europe
To fight the Germans in the war
It came back on some dog tags
Nobody wears no more
It’s written on a headstone
In the field where he was slain
It’s my last name

Passed down from generations
Too far back to trace
I can see all my relations
When I look into my face
May never make it famous
But I’ll never bring it shame
It’s my last name

Daddy always told me far back as I recall
Son, you’re part of somethin’,
You represent us all
So keep it how you got it, as solid as it came
It’s my last name

Passed down from generations
Too far back to trace
I can see all my relations
When I look into my face
May never make it famous
But I’ll never bring it shame
It’s my last name

So darlin’ if you’re wonderin’
Why I’ve got you here tonight
I want to be your husband, I want you to be my wife

I ain’t got much to give you

But what I’ve got means everything
It’s my last name

Oh, it’s my last name
I learned how to write it
When I first started school


“May never make it famous, but I’ll never bring it shame…it’s my last name. […] you’re part of something, you represent us all. So keep it how you got it, as solid as it came…it’s my last name. Passed down from generations too far back to trace…I can see all my relations when I look into my face…”


I thought I remembered this song from my senior year of college…but looking in iTunes, it lists the album’s release date as August 2003. Close, but a few months after graduation. Still fitting in the time; I was still very “into” country music, coming off of everything that life was up to that point, adjusting to life after college, trying to figure out who I was away from all that.

I do remember it sticking out to me 2003/2004…the bulk of it. The narrator’s proposal not so much; but like Joe Nichols’ “The Impossible,” it doesn’t change that the bulk of the song stirs something.

Whatever else I got from Dad, whatever else he did in this world, he gave me my name. His name. Not just his last name, but the full name–first, middle, and last.

And whatever else I may contribute to this world, whatever else I may someday leave behind…at least for now…I carry forth our name.

I see him whenever I have to look at my own face. So much of who and what I am comes from him. I wouldn’t even be here if he wasn’t first.

And I may never make it famous.

But I hope that as I represent him, that I at least leave it no worse than I got it.

And that others get to see him through me.

21 weeks

21 weeks, tonight into tomorrow. About 2 1/2 hours from now, 21 weeks since I was watching whatever (Falcon & the Winter Soldier?) and heard Mom coming through. Asking my usual “…everything ok?” and those awful words–No, they’re doing CPR on him.


21 weeks…but not quite 5 months. Not til Sunday.

Don’t know where the time’s gone.

Don’t know what to say.

Amazing what feelings and thought sneak in. Or songs. Music. What meanings change, what comes to have so much more meaning in life after losing someone.


Though summer turns to winter
And the present disappears
The laughter we were glad to share
Will echo through the years

All my life’s a circle;
But I can’t tell you why;
Season’s spinning round again;
The years keep rollin’ by.

Well he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son I’m proud of you, can you sit for awhile
He shook his head and he said with a smile
What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them, please?

I’ll be there someday (if) I can go the distance
I will find my way if I can be strong
I know every mile will be worth my while
When I go the distance, I’ll be right where I belong

Down an unknown road to embrace my fate
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you
And a thousand years would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime but somehow I’ll see it through

Far away, long ago,
Glowing dim as an ember
Things my heart Used to know
Things it yearns to remember

I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh but now you’re standing in the sun
You’ve fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away